Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Ask The Mask, Vol. 3, Issue 2

The holidays are upon us, and The Mask this week is responding to all sorts of letters, some holly jolly and some more serious. Want to receive advice from The Mask in 2024? Fill out this anonymous form. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Dear Mask,


Yesterday I got very injured by a little boy. I’m 12 years old, and the little boy was five. He was very mad that I didn't give him a cookie, and he was like "GIVE ME COOKIE!" and I was like “No you don't deserve a cookie.” And then he punched me in the arm!  Now I have a tiny bruise. Should I ask a teacher, or should I stay hit?


Sincerely,

Girl Who Got Hit

San Jose, CA


Dear Girl Who Got Hit,


Children can be really annoying. I once had a kid spit on me. Whatever you do, please don’t hit him back. That is NOT okay. He is still a little kid, and if you do hit him, you’ll probably get in more trouble than he will. But don’t stay quiet, either. The little boy doesn’t deserve to be hit, but he does need to learn why hitting isn’t a good idea. So instead, tell a teacher or parental figure. That little cookie monster will get in trouble, and you will get a satisfying revenge.


Hurtfully,

The Mask


Dear Mask,


I am in love with people who are fictional. I feel like I will never find love. How do I deal with this issue?


Sincerely,

Sorrowful

San Jose, CA


Dear Sorrowful,


Having crushes on fictional characters is completely normal. You probably know people who have had crushes on fictional characters or even celebrities. You can think of this like having an imaginary friend. According to healthychildren.org, “Having imaginary friendships does not mean that your child is lonely or does not have ‘real’ friends. Children often use imaginary friendships as a safe haven to try out their social skills, group dynamics and communication strategies.” So, by having crushes on people who are fictional, you may be subconsciously looking for what you want in a real-life partner. Also, just like how having imaginary friends does not mean you don’t have real friends, having crushes on fictional people does not mean you will never find love. I hope this helps!


Imaginatively,

The Mask


Dear Mask,

There's this boy I like and I'm 75% sure he likes me back. I'm thinking I'm going to tell him that I like him the day we get out for winter break. I want to get a second opinion on it before I tell him.


Sincerely,

Darling with a Dilemma

San Jose, CA


Dear Darling with a Dilemma,


That’s an oddly specific number. But really, if you are that confident, shoot your shot! Honestly, the wait of figuring out if he likes you back is not worth it (trust me). And if he does say no, you’ll eventually get over it (trust me). If you’re still hesitant about confessing to him, spend some time to get to know him better. But if you truly are 75% sure he likes you back, just go for it. You got this!


Three whole quarters,

The Mask


Dear Mask,


Last year and this year have been really hard with friendships. People have been boiling me and talking about me behind my back and it feels very hurtful. I always tell the teacher, but sometimes it feels like they don't care because they don't do anything about it. So every night I cry myself to sleep.


Sincerely, 

Sad Girl

San Jose, CA


Dear Sad Girl,


This must be really hard for you to deal with. If your teacher isn’t helping you sort things out, I recommend asking a different adult, one you trust, for help. The best thing to do in this situation is to look for new people to hang out with and distance yourself from people who are mean to you. You can’t necessarily change a person, but you can always look for new friends inside and outside of school. If there’s no one at school that you want to hang out with, try joining some extracurriculars that you enjoy, and I am sure you will find new friends.


Caringly,

The Mask


Dear Mask,


I'm having trouble with getting a video game and its DLC (downloadable content). It is a game that would be scary for pre-k to fifth graders. I asked my parents to get it for me, and they haven't responded. I need to convince them to get it for me. How do I convince them?


Sincerely,

Fnaf Game Wanter

San Jose, CA


Dear Fnaf Game Wanter,


Assuming you yourself are not a pre-k to fifth grader, I would suggest showing your parents how responsible you are. Try to show them that you are mature enough to get this game, and just try to be extra nice to them in general. Alternatively, Christmas is coming up! This would be a good thing to add to your wishlist. That way, you can bypass your parents and have Santa get it for you instead. Good luck out there, fellow comrade!


Jumpscarily,

The Mask


Dear Mask,


I keep on playing Christmas music in the car, but whenever I do, my mom instantly turns it off and my sister hits me. I don't know what to do. I really want to listen to Christmas music. Please help me!


Sincerely,

Holly Jolly

San Jose, CA


Dear Holly Jolly,


It’s December, prime time for playing Christmas music. If you have a family that is missing their merry mindset, you should ask them if they would prefer listening to Christmas songs in the summer instead. This snarky response is sure to win them over. But if for some reason they don’t appreciate it, an alternative is to play Christmas music to them while they sleep, to get them used to it subconsciously. If they still don't like it, hypnosis is a good way to make them change their minds. Sit them down, eliminate distractions, and sing “All I Want for Christmas is You” in a low, soothing voice. This will put them into a trance state. Tell them to relax, and then have them stare at Mariah Carey’s nose and repeat this phrase: “All I want for Christmas is Christmas music.” Repeat the phrase until they start saying it with you.


Hypnotically, 

The Mask


Dear Mask,


I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, but my mom said no. She said they are too big, but I want one as my best friend. I told her Santa could bring it through the front door if it was too big because that's the easy thing to do! How do I convince her (and Santa) to bring me the one thing I need?


Sincerely,

Hippo Wanter

San Jose, CA


Dear Hippo Wanter,


Your mom is actually right. Of course she wouldn’t want you to get a hippo, let alone get one for you as a present. They are far too big, messy, and dangerous. Instead, tell her to get you a BABY hippo. Baby hippos are easier to fit through doors and not as messy. Don’t worry – your mom will totally agree. And if she doesn't, just feed her to the hippo. Have a lovely Christmas. I hope you get your hippo!


With love,

The Mask

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed on this website are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Almaden Country Day School. Any content provided by our bloggers or authors are of their opinion, and are not intended to replace parental or professional advice.